Category Archives: Positive Values

The Most Important Values to Live By

Another good read I stumbled upon on one of my favorite site. Hope you like it as much as I do :D

Article written by Alex Blackwell of The Bridgemaker

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. – Dalai Lama

We face tough decisions everyday. As a parent, husband and business professional I encounter several circumstances each day which test my patience, my character and my peace of mind.

For me, my values guide me and shape my priorities and reactions. They serve as my markers to tell me if my life is heading in the right direction and if it is out turning out the way I want it to.

When our actions and words are aligned with our values, life is generally good and we feel content, confident and satisfied. But when our behaviors don’t match-up with our values, we soon begin to sense an uneasiness that begins to swell and grow inside of us.

This uncomfortable feeling tells us that not all is good with the world right now. We feel out-of-whack; out-of-touch and generally out-of-sorts. These feelings can be a source of anxiety and unhappiness.

Making a deliberate and conscious attempt to identity which values are the most important is needed to keep your anxiety low and your happiness and sense of personal worth and self-awareness high.

Regardless if we recognize them or not, values do naturally exist. Our lives can become less stressful, and more productive, when we acknowledge our personal values – and then make the attempt to live by and honor these values regardless of the circumstances we encounter.

The following values are the ones that resonate with me. These values are the most important for me to live by and the ones I want to pass along to my children and everyone in my life:

  • Appreciation. Taking a brief moment to say, “thank you,” or acknowledging the exceptional job the restaurant server did when waiting on you is not only encouraging for the beneficiary to hear; it fills your soul with more appreciation too.
  • Belief in Others. It can be your attitude; your resolve, that can lift someone up when they are down. Their doubt can be erased by your confidence. And something else amazing happens: belief is contagious – the more you believe in others; the more you will continue to believe in yourself.
  • Caring. Caring for others, as well as self-care, allows you to extend a helping hand and to pass along some unexpected grace. When we take the time to demonstrate we care; we demonstrate the fact there are still plenty of good people left in this world.
  • Commitment. Commitment shows loyalty and it can show bravery and tenacity as well. A commitment is a promise made and an expectation we have created. Honoring our commitments can make the difference between achieving what’s most important to us or feeling disappointed and defeated.
  • Compassion. We are all part of this thing called the human condition. No doubt we have different skin colors, religious preferences and political points-of-view, but at the end of the day, we still need to take care of one another.
  • Cooperation. Even the most complex tasks and assignments can be made simpler when we focus on the solutions – together.
  • Courtesy. The next time you are approaching a door and someone is ten steps or so behind you, wait just one second longer before walking through. Instead hold the door for that one second. It’s amazing how something that can happen in a blink of an eye can carry so much lasting value.
  • Dedication. No matter how the circumstances may change, unless you are in a physically or emotionally abusive situation, stay the course and never give up. I would rather be called a failure than a loser. Losers give up when things become too difficult. Failures are folks who have just not found success – but will. So, call me a failure if you like, because it implies I haven’t stop trying.
  • Devotion. Some days are just naturally better than others. It’s the same way in our interpersonal relationships and in our faith. Things can get unstable at times, but staying devoted to a cause or to a person through the uncertain times is our rock to grasp when our faith and our foundation is shaky.
  • Effort. No matter the outcome, there is always value in the effort when the effort is authentic and well-intended.
  • Forgiveness. To be clear, the purpose of forgiveness is not to absolve someone of the sin(s) committed against you; but to free yourself from the pain and the anger that is keeping you stuck. When you forgive, you are better able to let go of the past and keep moving forward with your life.
  • Friendship. Friends support us and they provide an unfiltered view of our actions when asked. Friends sustain us through difficult periods and join us for the events we celebrate.
  • Gratitude. It is with a grateful heart that helps me to see so much abundance in my life. My value of gratitude reminds me that what I have today can be taken away tomorrow.
  • Honesty. To live authentically; to live honesty, keeps our hearts and souls pure and our minds free of doubt or uncertainty. When we are honest, we know we are doing the right things.
  • Hope. Hope is the fuel that keeps us moving forward when we are the most tired. Hope reassures us that sometimes it’s not a matter of if but only when.
  • It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. – Roy Disney

  • Integrity. What defines our character and our integrity is not measured by what happens to us; but rather by how we react and respond to what happens to us.
  • Listening. As a parent, one of the best gifts I can give my children is to listen; to really listen to what they are saying and to be fully present in the moment with them.
  • Love. The presence of love in our life, the love we have for our families, our friends, our faith and for ourselves, is the single most important source of light and energy we can tap into when we have the need to be filled-up; or when we see the need to fill someone else up with grace, hope and our love
  • Optimism. I was born and raised in the South. An expression I heard often went something like, “When God hands you lemons, you make lemonade.” The value of optimism is clear here – take what you have been given and make the best of it.
  • Patience. Patience is a value which can also improve productivity because it creates a better state of mind, a clearer state of mind, for better decision making.
  • Respect. We are all different, yet we are all the same in the sense we want to be respected for how we think and believe. When we show the proper respect we are not only validating the other person’s dignity, we are also enhancing our own.
  • Right Choices. It’s not that we always have to get it right; in fact it’s not reasonable to think every choice we make will be the right choice. But when we have completed our research, performed our discernment, and have listened to our inner wisdom the hope is we are guided to the right choice. Acting on this choice is where the true value exists.
  • Sacrifice. Sometimes it’s appropriate to put someone else’s needs before your own. This is the meaning of sacrifice. Along with sacrifice comes some discomfort; perhaps even some pain. This is what makes sacrifice a value to live by.
  • Tolerance. There are people who make us angry and we just can’t seem to see eye-to-eye with on an issue. Rather than showing contempt, tolerance is a better alternative. It shows respects, patience and courtesy – all important values in their own right, too.
  • Unity. There is indeed strength in numbers. Working together to solve a common problem ensures a greater chance of success. Making the effort to bring people together will always be more effective than finding ways to pull people apart.
  • Vision. Vision is created by our dreams and daydreams, alike, Vision provides the avenue to take our lives to wherever we want them to go. Our vision reminds us that we are always capable of learning and growing into who we want to be.

On Negative Thoughts…

For the past months, I’ve been a lurker of different blogs pertaining to life, personal development,home stuff and other inspirational topics. It’s been a  routine for me to read at least one article. Amidst all the chaos at home and work, this new past time of mine is one of the reason that keeps me sane (aside from my family,friends, GOD etc). Somehow I learn something from different people and from their different perspective.

I came across this article from one of my favorite sites, and I want to share it to others.

(an excerpt from an article at the bridgemaker blogsite)

“We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what’s wrong in your life or you can focus on what’s right.”  – Marianne Williamson

10 Steps for Transforming Negative Thoughts into Positive Beliefs by Alex Blackwell

We have the ability to create our own reality. For the most part, we can look at a situation and see the good or we can look at the same situation and choose to see the bad. Often times the lens we use to view what’s happening is filtered by our thoughts.

Positive thoughts create more positive circumstances. Alternatively, negative thoughts contribute to feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment. Therefore, changing our negative thoughts is essential to achieve happiness and peace.

The following are the most common negative thinking behaviors. Becoming aware of these is essential to transforming negative thoughts into positive beliefs.

  1. Stay away from “all-or-nothing” thinking. When we slip into “all-or-nothing” thinking we see our circumstances as either black or white with not much in between. By shifting to someplace in the gray, a fresh perspective is created that helps us to realize more options do exist.
  2. Avoid the temptation to over generalize. Overgeneralization is best characterized when we believe if one bad thing happens, then everything else is doomed to go poorly.
  3. What you rather be right or happy?I can be very stubborn. At times my stubbornness has cost me. It has caused me to miss the opportunity to accept an apology or consider a different point-of-view. I was more determined to be right than to be happy.The need to be right cultivates more negative thoughts because of our unwillingness to let go of whatever the issue was in the first place. To find some peace and happiness, sometimes we just need to let it go.
  4. Change your mental filter.Persistent pessimism can develop into a habit if we are not careful. Left unattended, chronic negative thinking can begin to shape the way we see the world. The glass will always be half-empty.
  5. Watch your tendency for jumping to conclusions.When confronted with what might appear to be an unwelcomed circumstance, consider taking a deep breath; a full step back, to look at the event at a more holistic level in order to get all of the information.
  6. Don’t should on yourself. When we should on ourselves we are issuing negative judgments about our actions and behaviors.
  7. Be aware of emotional reasoning. Not many of us are like the character Spock from Star Trek who is consistently logical and rational no matter the circumstance. Even though we often have a rational response to a difficult event, we also have a tendency to slip into emotional reasoning when confronted with an especially challenging situation.Just because we are experiencing a certain uncomfortable emotion doesn’t mean our character, our soul, has been downgraded. It just means for that moment, in that small space of time, we feel a certain way about ourselves.When we allow ourselves to be human and give our spirit the grace and mercy it deserves, we are in a better position to reframe self-limiting thoughts and keep them from manifesting to the point they begin to define who we are.
  8. Try not to take everything personally. It may be hard to hear, but not everything is about you and not everything is about me, either. Fear, paranoia and perhaps a measure of insecurity can lead us to believe the way other people react, or the things they say, are directed to us. Sometimes people are insensitive, judgmental or just plain in a bad mood.
  9. Dial back from magnifying a problem.There is perception and then there is reality. Our negative thoughts start to churn when we confuse the two.Seeing a situation for what it really is, instead of what it feels like can help us stay grounded. Magnifying a problem only gives the problem more energy and provides the opportunity for the situation to become larger than it was ever intended to be.
  10. Celebrate.Celebrate the good things when they happen. Don’t simply dismiss them or minimize them.There is no question some days have a few setbacks, a couple of obstacles and sometimes pain. There are even some days when we feel as though someone has emptied our hearts of the passion and strength we need for life. So, on the days we are blessed and have positive things happen, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem, allow yourself the time to enjoy them and then be filled back up by them.

    Like attracts like. Positive thoughts and happiness create more of the same.

Ice breaker…

We are asked in the office to list down our ideas about these two questions;

1. What type of product/service that we want to give our clients?

2. What did you learn as a person as of today? (Which is further breakdown into 3 categories i.e. You, Communication,  Clients)

After a night of contemplation and pondering of ideas here’s what I wrote:

1. What type of service/product we want to give out clients?

-  A service / product with quality. Quality means, free from errors and generate accurate reports which will aid the clients in the decision making that will benefit the company

-  A service / product that will give the clients the solutions that they’re longing for and will satisfy them.

-  A service / product that is one of a kind. We may have plenty competitors on the product that we are offering the clients, but the key to that is the service that we will provide. If the clients need us, we’re there.

-  A service / product that clients will appreciate and would never be a regret to them.

-  We must be committed to any service/product that we provide. Commitment at its peak.

2. What did you learn as a person as of today?

** YOU (These are the several things that I learned these past few weeks. Some are thru experiences and others are thru my reading. I will try to do/adopt these things to help me improve as an individual, hope others will learned from it too.)

-  Notice what is Right. Instead of focusing on the wrong things/ doings, focus more on what is right and take some actions about it. Take all that life throws out on you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will be more content, at peace and be happy. Take the time to begin to notice what’s right and see the world change.

-   Stand up for what you believe in but at the same time; make sure you do it in a respectful manner to others. We all have different beliefs and values in life, we stick to it, and we fight for it. During this course, we often forget that we crossed/ step over someone, never minding that others have their beliefs too just like yours.

-  Don’t sulk and show gratitude. Learn to be grateful. Rather than sulking and focusing on the blessings and favors that the others received, why not be thankful with what you have. Each of us receives blessings/ favors differently and in a different time. When you’re grateful enough you will be open to receive an abundance of joy and happiness and blessing will continue to pour.

-   Accept what is, even if things don’t go your way.

-  Positive thoughts are powerful and empowering. Always be positive.

-  Don’t talk to others if you have issues with someone in a workplace. Keep the problem as quiet as possible. Don’t talk to others within the workplace about your issues. If you need to vent, find someone who is outside of the problem like a spouse or a friend. You do not want to assassinate your adversary’s character. You do not need to bring up your dirty laundry with others.

-  Be willing to compromise. There are two sides to every story. A conflict will not be appropriately resolved if one of the people within the conflict feels that the resolution was not equitable. Winning and losing are not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is to maintain great relationships to achieve common goals.

-  Learn to accept mistakes, yours and others. We know within ourselves when we made mistakes. No one will do it purposely and there are times when we are not even aware that we commit one. If this is so, instead of dwelling on it and point-fingers, let’s do something about it and Learn. Pride will lead us to nowhere.

-  Holding a grudge over someone is not healthy.

** COMMUNICATION

-  Proper and good communication is a tool to help relationships last and run smoothly, make it in work, family, friends etc.

-  Think before you speak. Sometimes we tend to say words that we really not meant to say. Be aware of what we are saying and why we are saying it and also be mindful of the person that we’re speaking with.

-  Don’t bad mouth others. In any situation, be it in family or work, it’s not appropriate to bad mouth people. If you’re not happy with a certain individual on what he/she is doing, talk to him/her and work things out. Don’t talk behind his/her back. Talking behind back is the kind of behavior that attracts gossip and negativity and worst will influence others to be like that too. Not only does it reflect badly on you as a person, it also hurts the other party, whether you realize it or not. Be honest and transparent in your communications.

-  Be receptive to what others say. Don’t take criticisms personally. Look for the message in the criticisms instead. Ask yourself: “What made the person say this? What lessons can I take away from this? How does this relate to my situation?” With an open mind, you can have more answers to what you seek.

-  Check mails and texts regularly if permitted. Some important schedules and instructions are relayed thru emailed and text. At the same time, advised the sender if you have received the message relied to you as a confirmation.

-  Don’t talk when angry. Anger makes tongues looser. You might say things that you will regret later. If someone has pushed you to that level of anger, schedule a time which the both of you are able to talk in a reasonable manner. Always be in control of your words, as words can be twisted later.

-  Constant communication and reaching out.

**CLIENT

-  Clients are happy when they are satisfied.

-  Clients feel secure when you call them once in a while even though they don’t have problems. A simple hi and hello will do.

-  When cancelling a visit or meeting, make it a day or two before the schedule of the visit and not on the day itself. But in some cases, especially during an emergency, visits need to be cancelled on the  day itself. They will understand, but don’t do it most of the time

-  All concerns and issues with clients must be documented so that there’s no way that we will forget about it and we can addressed it immediately.

-  Keep your schedules so that you will be organized.